twothouten

2010. so some new things… a word, a verse/passage, a song. it’s the only new years tradition that I will be keeping for as long as I have the ability to think and hear. for the most part, I think new year’s resolutions, celebrations…and all that… are pointless. you have no power to keep the things you choose to do. determination only goes so far. so do good intentions. but asking what you need for the coming year, is a WHOLE different deal. i was challenged in 2007 to do this for 2008…and since then, God’s been right on about all that I needed. imagine that.

this is more for my memory than your reading pleasure. afterall, this can speak to or inspire you – but this will change my life. being obedient to the Word of the Lord, written or spoken, has become the second priority. first being to love Him. (Matt. 22:37) I’ve written many posts, then half way through their authoring, deleted them. this won’t be one of those unpublished posts.

like any good art student, you learn to back up or illustrate the symbolism in your “masterpieces”. I never understood why it was such a big deal then, but I really believe that going through that process helped develop my eye for the unseen in the seen. (thank you to walters, pocock, puffer, mazellan, curfman, crossman, pence…) what’s in a scene, a piece of art – whether designed by the Creator or put together by human hands… has details that mold a 360 degree atmosphere for it to be seen in.

what you see above, has a story. a story that’s unfolding even to me as I look into the seen that the untrained eye would pass over. everything has significance. everything.

january 31, 2009, I sat in the Starbucks on Mission Gorge Rd. in Santee, by the Henrys/125. I went there knowing that something was going to be given to me. it was urgent enough that mark went to return applications on his own instead of me going with him. like I said earlier, the one tradition I am keeping come the end of the year, is inquiring of the Lord what next year holds… a type of road map. in past years, what started out as a word became an unfolding mystery of what truth was packed in that word…as it applied to God’s path for my life.

2008- Relentless. a relentless pursuit of the fathers heart. so i will never lack compassion, understanding or the desire for an intense intimacy with the Lord. 2009- Stand. stand up, against, for, with, beside, in spite of, through. Do everything to stand in the evil day. 2010-Faith. To stand in faith, for all the promises You have given, while relentlessly pursuing righteousness.

the common denominator: 2010. 10: signifies fullness and Divine perfection.

the song: I have to believe | Rita Springer  – since everyone knows the unfathomable amount of songs in the world…I asked if I’d heard it before. Yep. did I have it? Nope. So there began the hunt. Rita Springer has been one of the least publicized and most awesome artists I’ve encountered. (thank you Pandora) laid eyes on the track title and it was a rush of God…the only way I know how to explain it. I’d found it.

I have to deny that I am alone, I have to lift my eyes to the mountains. That’s where my help comes from. He said that He can move mountains. I have to believe. I have to stand strong. I have to grab hold, a hold of the garments, the garments of praise. He said He’s forever faithful, forever true… I have to believe.

interesting that this song seems to wrap up the past two years into its lyrics. standing strong, denying what is said and pursuing what is true, is a relentless act. faith is required to believe.

the colors: what was chosen for this I didn’t realize until I was finished with it. Gold. my favorite color is blue. why did I go with gold? the last one of these I did was greens. funny – green symbolizes praise,  vigor, prosperity, mercy, restoration, health, healing, new beginning, freshness, God’s holy seed, harvest, sowing and reaping, immortality, fresh oil, new life, joy in hope… revelation 22:2…which was the perfect illustration of my 2008…but gold, huh? Yes. Gold.

the word for gold in hebrew is zahab. meaning a precious metal, or of brilliance and splendor. in greek, chruseos’ means something golden, made of gold or overlaid with gold. symbolizes the glory of God, holiness, purification, righteousness, divine light, trial by fire, mercy, power, Glory. the color is related to wisdom, knowledge and faith.

Receive my instruction, and not silver, And knowledge rather than choice gold” Proverbs 8:10
“How much better to get wisdom than gold! And to get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.” Proverbs 16:16
“Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.” Proverbs 25:12
“I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire (tried and tested faith), that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed” Revelation 3:18

it always speaks of trial and purging. “…that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ” 1 Peter 1:7

seems like 2010 is going to be a refining year. faith required against some strong odds. holding on to the promises He’s given, praise… I’m gonna need to look at this often, remembering that He’d told me what was coming and gave remedy for peace.

the verse: Matthew 15:3: He answered them, “And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition?”

the entire passage, Matthew 15, is in my heart for this year, but specifically this portion on breaking the commandments of God for the sake of tradition. you could go all sorts of directions with this, but since I am only me – and I have to change first… what compromises of His commandments have I brushed away in the name of tradition (tradition defined here.) I’ve come to question everything. not in a way of walking away from life and living in a hole, but learning to make traditions biblical from the foundation. what is the point of empty, value-less traditions?.

i felt as though this word, spoken centuries ago, was written for me. for what purpose? I don’t know… maybe I’ve been created to break tradition. an entrepreneurial spirit – but not necessarily in the traditional sense of entrepreneurship? I’ve never been one to follow a crowd, a person – unless it was an authority, just for the sake of having something to do… never been a trend follower. could care less about whoever the Jones’ are. I have something I was placed here to do… traditions and the normal aren’t going to allow me to live outside- where the radical lifestyle is lived. that’s where I want to be.

so no one will understand whats going on. it may seem that I walk alone… but I am never alone.

truth in a candle

I sit with a candle in front of me in a low lit room, littered with other candles of varying sizes. Two things come to my mind. When I walked into the dimly lit room, it was the light that attracted my eyes first. It wasn’t it’s color, but its existence. It danced. Just like yellow is the first color the eye sees psychologically, my eyes are innately trained to see it first, then examine it. As my mind charts what’s going on around this little flame, i see how its light shines on the things around it… shining light on otherwise dark objects.

The second thing was the candle. The flame itself that produces the light is the most attractive.  There are so many colors even with in the small torch…purple, indigo, orange, white…gold…all this in a little flicker that lights up a space significantly larger than its size, , but how does it exist? It stands alone, on no power of its own did it create the flame, but it was ignited by Lighter. The Lighter ignited what was already in the candle… the wick and through it, brought out colors, light, fragrance, an attractive presence…something that draws and changes the atmosphere of dark settings. It has a season that it remains effective. It has a path to burn that was set for it.

If another wick comes into contact with this flame, it ignites the wick its touched. Light emerges from it, painting what is around it with what its been given. It illuminates what couldn’t previously be seen.

Isaiah 49:6 | II Peter 1:19 | Ephesians 5:11-14 | Proverbs 4:18-19

men’s soccer

"Jesus wore towels when it was hot, too."

facecreep

I don’t really care about blogging etiquite. Who is to tell me how to write? Didn’t they do that back when I thought pencil boxes were the coolest thing ever? I’ll just write as it comes out of my mind – sometimes with wrong punctuation or grammar… or not capitalized. If you’re OCD on that stuff…. eat your HeART out.

Most of the reason I am writing is because I was on facebook. I looked down to the right corner where the chat thing is, and saw the number 70. not the notifications, but my “friends” who were online. Granted, I’m pretty pouplar and I have many leather bound books, but that number surprised me. Thought it was unnaturally high. From there I clicked to expand it and see who was on. I’m avoiding work, obviously (since the next 4 days are going to be INSANE) so I felt like talking. Scanned the entire list and realized I didn’t want to talk to any of those people. None out of 70. What are they on my friends list for then? Don’t you talk to friends? And be honest, cause I will. I’d rather look at what they post sometimes rather than talk to them. Which I’m sure you do to me every once in a while as well. Big whoop. It’s what we get with technology. “I’d rather text than talk.” Void of emotion, you don’t have to get wrapped up in people knowing that you know others business. There’s no other party involved when you’re creeping a page. If it was a phone call, you and the other person would know the shared information. But I guess if the person posts the information on facebook, its intended for it to be creeped upon.

Which was the point I made to myself. I’ve made it ok for people to creep. I’m a creep-enabler. Weird. I find it funny that people I’m friends with on facebook really have no idea what’s going on with my life unless the pictures or my status’ tell the story. Or if they read into what’s posted correctly. But mostly, they have no idea. That’s all I really had. I was just laughing about it to myself… pondering WHY IN THE WORLD I’m on this thing thats considered a “social network” when I don’t socialize with anyone. They need to make a new name for this genre of websites. Creeptastic.

pretty deep

for getting hit in the head as many times as he did… troy aikman.. author of “hummina hummina” hit it right on the head.

(no pun intended)

“You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.”

I am seein this illustrated first hand… it’s making me think twice about how I carry myself. Thanks, Troy. I needed this… you can find God in EVERYTHING.

rambling on

I decided a I needed a rambling blog post. Who knows what will come out here. For all I know, I could erase half of what is written down first and post only what is appropriate. Of which, you in the blogging reader world, would never know of. A sensor on my thoughts.<–really good thing. mostly because it wouldn’t make sense to anyone what goes on in my head – minus the select few that God has allowed to be on that weird mental wavelength.

Who reads these anyways? My mom? Big whoop, no offense, mom. I see you all the time. Which I actually like more than I thought I would. Got the rosters done today.. all posted and all that jazz. SO GREAT! PRaise God it only took 5 hours. I think they turned out good for what is there – for what it is… it’ll be better in the future. Huge step for the time being.

There’s a bag of open plain m&m’s staring at me right now. Think of how weird that would be if all the m&m’s in that bag had eyes and were really looking at me. Or mouths… telling me to not eat them. I should listen to them. Cuz, they b makin me fat. (as I stick my hand in and shovel a few more into the gaping hole we call a mouth) On another note, facebook is really beginning to bore me. I don’t really know why.. probably because people’s status’ really are lame. It’s only fun to look at when they’re funny… or insightful… who cares if you’re walking the dog, going to in-n-out, or at school again. They should make a site where you can “status” the random things that happen to you during the day. if it’s not random, you can’t post it. Awhh yeahhh that would be the bomb to read.

I wonder what the record is for most change found in a year. I mean, who would really keep track of it all… maybe I should start. I find alot of change… but I usually end up spending it. I googled it – nothing came up. But this came up in the image search for “record for most coins found in a year”

What in the world. Is that lady feeding her kid a coin? I bet if ida found that coin before that lady tried to feed  it to her kid, it would be worth alot more than finding it after she fed it to him. and they wonder why their kids are all jacked up – feeding them metal aka things that arent food… but used to BUY food.

I have this new sense of freedom now that those rosters are out of the way.

fish burrito is swimming to my house… fathom that one. in a red truck. from rubios… drooollll…

kitty meow. i dont know what so funny bout that cat.. but its so.. sad lol.  but SO funny. thats the BYAHHH baby from dave chappelles dean whatever his name was. so funny – but the meanie heads took the funniness off the web. SO LAME.

if you did end up reading this whole thing, i’m sorry. Like was told to billy madison, “Mr. Madison, what you just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard, at no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

some recent shots

many hats doesn’t accurately define what life has been as of late. more like i have about 10 pairs of completely different shoes, that all fit differently – but fit. I can walk in them all, some more comfortable than others – but I don’t walk like I’m impaired. Here are some visual aids. enjoy! Baby Cora Jean and the sdcc golf tournament that bought our uniforms! Praise God!

the update 0709

figured it would be easier to just send a link as opposed to an email…

I know it’s time for this update, but how to present it to people other than myself… is a task. I have seen the Lord do SO much in the little amount of time (almost 23 weeks). I could talk about what He’s going to do, what He’s already done, what He’s done in me, what He’s done through me for others…  Instead.. I’m going to tell you what I’ve seen.

I’ve seen what it is to be uprooted from a place/people you’ve come to love and be asked to go to the last place on earth I wanted to be, San Diego. (although, I’m glad He did)  I’ve seen what it is to figuratively put your raft in the shallow water, be swept away into the rapids only to be dropped into the slow moving, nearly stagnant water, then back into the rapids…a continuing cycle. My walk with the Lord really took to the river the day I graduated from IWU. There’s something to be said about having no outward stability; being in a place of decision – to either spaz out and adapt a lifestyle of a compulsive worrier, or find strength in the secret place… of His presence. It took a 2 years to even understand a piece of what that meant. Since then, I’ve seen the hand of God provide in ways no human could ever provide; seen His favor fall in a way no man could ever organize; I’ve seen Him HEAR AND ACT with haste to change the situation. I’ve seen Him use the mess He brought me out of to comfort others; I’ve seen Him blow away the cloud confusion, over and over again. I’ve seen His faithfulness punch out the lies surrounding my situations. By now, you’re probably like.. “ok, that’s great, but what have you been doing?”

I’ve been waiting. Until the last 2 days. Work started July 1 as the new Sports Information Director/Asst Women’s soccer coach at San Diego Christian College. I learned of how much will be going on, and how important God having my time is going to be. I have finally been released to this walk into this ministry He showed me back in February. Just like He said back when I visited, all the signs on the sign post that were pointing in different directions will suddenly all align and show you the way in unison. That time’s come. Things are picking up in a great way. There’s much more to be seen – big steps coming. That’s the extent of my update. Not the usual description of a day/week/months you were probably expecting, but as you’ve seen I don’t fit into molds very well.

So basically once things start truckin’ for real… you’ll hear from me again.. :)

Picture of Your Love

317 returns

It’s been over 6 months since I’ve received a call from an anonymous 317 number. I was sitting in starbucks, doing some work and my phone rang. the 6 month string was broken. I figured it had to be important because I didn’t just give my number out to the world..infact.. like no one. Maybe that’s why I never get any phone calls haha. Anyways, these past weeks have been a roller coaster- mostly me internally battling God’s request to be still and rest. It is my biggest weakness. So, my pathetic effort to be at rest, I was working. But back to the phone call. Upon hitting send, I heard my name exclaimed from the other side of the phone… and I didn’t recognize the voice until she told me. It was a woman from where I worked back in Indianapolis (when I was actually employed). *flash back* She’d been in a really hard place and turned to alcohol, when she came back into our area in cubicle land, about half way through my time there. She has the best heart… so funny.. but still in hard place..

The last time I saw her, I wrote her a little thing and paired it with a CD of worship music. Why? I don’t know.. just felt like it was fitting for the occassion. I was leaving, she was staying.. why not throw some straight God at people before I wasn’t there to do it again. Kind of the final hurah. It had been heavy on me to do something for the specified individuals.. . feb 08. Spirit of God fell in that place, upon her that day… its always great when the mention of what Jesus is to you, it begins a flow of story about what Jesus used to mean to people.. and they don’t even know how they got to where they are now. That’s what happened that day. A salvation and baptism flooded back after near 35 years. The assumption that it was “too late” was destroyed..hope restored. I didn’t hold on to it too long because I was ushered into the next thing fairly quickly. I thought the vividness of that day, I would never forget.. her face/words/the point for change that day.

Until today when it again came flooding back to me in her voice. She began to tell me that she carried the note around to this day, was listening to the CD, and hasn’t had a drink since that Februrary day. PRAISE GOD! She’d found the picture of her baptism when she first came to the Lord, paired it with Romans 8:28 -

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

She was sitting in the parking lot of her church, waiting for the retreat seminars to begin. She dove into God. I didn’t recognize her voice because she literally wasn’t the same. In her words, “I’ve found so much peace..” I teared up because the woman I saw before me in Feb 08 was so far from peace. She parted with an “I love you, I just needed to say thank you.”

It’s not often God allows you to see the fruit of your obedience… but when He does, OH MY GOSH – THANK HIM FOR IT.