men’s soccer

"Jesus wore towels when it was hot, too."

the update 0709

figured it would be easier to just send a link as opposed to an email…

I know it’s time for this update, but how to present it to people other than myself… is a task. I have seen the Lord do SO much in the little amount of time (almost 23 weeks). I could talk about what He’s going to do, what He’s already done, what He’s done in me, what He’s done through me for others…  Instead.. I’m going to tell you what I’ve seen.

I’ve seen what it is to be uprooted from a place/people you’ve come to love and be asked to go to the last place on earth I wanted to be, San Diego. (although, I’m glad He did)  I’ve seen what it is to figuratively put your raft in the shallow water, be swept away into the rapids only to be dropped into the slow moving, nearly stagnant water, then back into the rapids…a continuing cycle. My walk with the Lord really took to the river the day I graduated from IWU. There’s something to be said about having no outward stability; being in a place of decision – to either spaz out and adapt a lifestyle of a compulsive worrier, or find strength in the secret place… of His presence. It took a 2 years to even understand a piece of what that meant. Since then, I’ve seen the hand of God provide in ways no human could ever provide; seen His favor fall in a way no man could ever organize; I’ve seen Him HEAR AND ACT with haste to change the situation. I’ve seen Him use the mess He brought me out of to comfort others; I’ve seen Him blow away the cloud confusion, over and over again. I’ve seen His faithfulness punch out the lies surrounding my situations. By now, you’re probably like.. “ok, that’s great, but what have you been doing?”

I’ve been waiting. Until the last 2 days. Work started July 1 as the new Sports Information Director/Asst Women’s soccer coach at San Diego Christian College. I learned of how much will be going on, and how important God having my time is going to be. I have finally been released to this walk into this ministry He showed me back in February. Just like He said back when I visited, all the signs on the sign post that were pointing in different directions will suddenly all align and show you the way in unison. That time’s come. Things are picking up in a great way. There’s much more to be seen – big steps coming. That’s the extent of my update. Not the usual description of a day/week/months you were probably expecting, but as you’ve seen I don’t fit into molds very well.

So basically once things start truckin’ for real… you’ll hear from me again.. :)

Picture of Your Love

317 returns

It’s been over 6 months since I’ve received a call from an anonymous 317 number. I was sitting in starbucks, doing some work and my phone rang. the 6 month string was broken. I figured it had to be important because I didn’t just give my number out to the world..infact.. like no one. Maybe that’s why I never get any phone calls haha. Anyways, these past weeks have been a roller coaster- mostly me internally battling God’s request to be still and rest. It is my biggest weakness. So, my pathetic effort to be at rest, I was working. But back to the phone call. Upon hitting send, I heard my name exclaimed from the other side of the phone… and I didn’t recognize the voice until she told me. It was a woman from where I worked back in Indianapolis (when I was actually employed). *flash back* She’d been in a really hard place and turned to alcohol, when she came back into our area in cubicle land, about half way through my time there. She has the best heart… so funny.. but still in hard place..

The last time I saw her, I wrote her a little thing and paired it with a CD of worship music. Why? I don’t know.. just felt like it was fitting for the occassion. I was leaving, she was staying.. why not throw some straight God at people before I wasn’t there to do it again. Kind of the final hurah. It had been heavy on me to do something for the specified individuals.. . feb 08. Spirit of God fell in that place, upon her that day… its always great when the mention of what Jesus is to you, it begins a flow of story about what Jesus used to mean to people.. and they don’t even know how they got to where they are now. That’s what happened that day. A salvation and baptism flooded back after near 35 years. The assumption that it was “too late” was destroyed..hope restored. I didn’t hold on to it too long because I was ushered into the next thing fairly quickly. I thought the vividness of that day, I would never forget.. her face/words/the point for change that day.

Until today when it again came flooding back to me in her voice. She began to tell me that she carried the note around to this day, was listening to the CD, and hasn’t had a drink since that Februrary day. PRAISE GOD! She’d found the picture of her baptism when she first came to the Lord, paired it with Romans 8:28 -

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

She was sitting in the parking lot of her church, waiting for the retreat seminars to begin. She dove into God. I didn’t recognize her voice because she literally wasn’t the same. In her words, “I’ve found so much peace..” I teared up because the woman I saw before me in Feb 08 was so far from peace. She parted with an “I love you, I just needed to say thank you.”

It’s not often God allows you to see the fruit of your obedience… but when He does, OH MY GOSH – THANK HIM FOR IT.

new friends

these are my friends, super grover and super ernie. ernie is so happy to have grover back home… since kylepants ransomed him years ago. so he’s back and now they’re friends again! took this pic with my enV. pretty darn good job, enV! michaela is coming today. she’ll be on the sdcc team next year. very nice. 7v7 tourney at UCSD tomorrow – causing a flashback of weekend tourneys from club days. 7:30-6pm. loooonnng day. but with fun people – hopefully. hah. soccer sometimes brings the worst out of people; hopefully thats not the case here. first series of games I get to watch as a coach. kinda weird. although my has been body is happy! been doing more now that theres sun out all the time. there should be pictures that accompany the next blog. pray for my external hard drive… he decided to stop working.. and it contains my photographic life in full. sad times with no money and the inability to buy dvd’s… now im thinking “did i have the dough to do it…” rats. o well. its allll good :)

soccer at the rock has been the saving grace. God’s given mad opps to play… which is the answer to january/february’s prayer of soccer for free since i AINT GOT NO CHEESE. so thank you, Lord. comin’ thru big time since LAFitness BLOWS a big one out here. I’ve learned too many times how to get screwed by company’s by getting screwed. thankfully the Lords allowed me to learn from mistakes – being too weak when i should have been forceful. grr. ATT, LA Fitness, the junk yard where i left keith, car guys, apartment people, airlines, refunds, applecare, insurance, your mom… you name it, i’ve prolly lost money to it ONCE. worst feeling – walking away knowing you just got taken. blarg.//that annoying dalmation, who’s blind brother drowned in the pool apparently a while back… WILL NOT SHUT UP.

anyways i dont even know where that came from. almost time to skedaddle off to the school… roam the city…  be awesome. the usual.

stand

1 Peter 5:9 (NLT)

Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.

hardened heart

Some things have taken place in the past weeks leaving a decision at my feet. To let anger/spite/narrowed revenge reign, or allow myself to be broken at the knees and return love. I can tell you which is the easier of the two; the one I initially leaned towards. It’s the one that seems to release every pent up emotion in a liberating fashion- but in that moment of seeming liberation, you’re actually being bound to the situation. You’re bound tightly. To the point where it becomes your thoughts. You’re a slave to not only the situations events, but the underlying and mounting hatred for the affiliated people and places. May just be me, but that doesn’t seem liberating at all. And it’s NOT the norm. We’ve claimed bondage as the norm. “Put it behind you” or “get over it”, don’t exist. I too am guilty of staging a false forgiveness in my heart, by telling myself I’m over it, it’s behind me – but I’m really signing the papers saying I’m cool with being tied to this.

Isn’t that the true cry? Separate this from me! So why am I ok with signing a symbolic .doc that says I’m down with the exact opposite?

Consider Ps. 57…

2I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me. 3He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me, God sends his love and his faithfulness. 4I am in the midst of lions, I lie among ravenous beasts- men whos teeth are spears and arrows, who’s tounges are sharp swords…6They spread a net for my feet- I was bowed down in distress. They dug a pit in my path- but they have fallen into it themselves. 7My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast…8 I will awaken the dawn.

A few things here… David is in obvious distress, being pursue by one out to destroy him. (in his case, Saul). If you’ve read that story, he has multiple chances where he could have exercised the anger/defense he naturally would have. But he saw Saul, his enemy nonetheless, as the Lord’s anointed- and showed life giving grace even as this man avenged not just dethroning his name, but his existence. David was well aware of the threatening beasts and the words sent to slay his name, but yet he still claims God. Even though the distress has him bowed down, he holds to a promise:

Ps 145:14 The LORD sustains all who fall
And raises up all who are bowed down.

Being pressed to the point of almost breaking, has the promise of being raised again. Saweet. I guess to even cling to that promise you’d find yourself in a pretty humble state. Confidence in humility… not trusting in myself to get through this alive, but standing on His Word; He says  I am an overcomer. In Him is how that overcoming is possible.

Mmmm mmmm. The power to overcome. He’s given victory?! Freedom comes with victory – Well, shoot, if He’s given freedom, why in the world would I want to be bound to the past? Trying to get past it in my own strength… what a waste. Makes me want to kick myself for all those times I hung on to what had happened, convincing myself I enjoyed mulling it over – deeping my resentment.. and then for some sickening reason, other peoples demise began to bring joy.

I wasn’t aware that there was another option…

New goal – to try out this freedom He’s given to me. I’m not talking about Salvation – that’s the initial freedom. But I’ve noticed walking with the Lord requires breaking free from the things that this satan dude tries to taze you with. He tries to paralyze you with difficulties, snares, fights, words, your past… to keep you from moving into what God has for YOUR future. Cause there is a plan for GREAT things for you – do you believe there are great things for you? or have you been overcome by the one you have been given the power to overcome? (read that one back again. refer below for clarification) They say knowledge is power… and in this case – it’s power beyond what you can imagine.

1 john 4:4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

Don’t taze me, bro. I’m an overcomer.

sdcc baseball stuff… i’ll write more in this same post later… battery on the craptop is dying…

inspiration, whomp.

i don’t want to be inspired, I want to be changed.

inspiration may open the door for change, but inspiration alone dies in its place. give me change – both in my pocket and in my life. :P

the battle is the LORD’s

everything is changed over… im officially a Californian again. License, car insurance, AAA, closed bank accounts in IN, stuff that showed up on Friday is almost done being unpacked and washed… because criminy, my apartment really did smell like smoke. In this place, things smell as they should (for the most part haha), but anything that came from my apartment… yipes. Smells like I am a chain smoker.

Life’s been good for the last weeks. Not because I haven’t had to go to work or anything… It’s been the exact same thing I was doing in Indianapolis, on Winthrop Ave #3H, but now I am in a new place, and what’s taking place is more serious. It carries more weight.

Through this.. short time I’ve been in complete awareness/agreement with what God’s plan is for me… God’s asked a lot, or what’s seemed like a lot. In the process, He showed me that sacrifice (letting go of something at God’s request) isn’t as big of a deal as you think it is. The times where this has been asked of me looked like this: {question is asked, “Are you willing to give this(insert whatever) up?”; my eyes bug out, possible tears, brain begins racing and questioning; my mind finally shuts up, shoulders drop in surrender, and I say yes.} Then the hard part comes. The devil makes you think sacrifice is such a huge thing, that you NEED whatever it is to live and move as you are entitled to. {News flash.. you’re entitled to death, that’s about it. So anything above that – is awesome.} In his exerted effort to keep you from really letting go of what God’s asked, he arms himself for battle on your mind.

He is well aware that if you continue to think on it, you haven’t let go of it. If that is true…   was the yes legitimate? Of course it was. But the enemy knows, the second you let go of that thing God asked of you, he loses control of you in yet another area.

That’s not the only thing you gain…when you’re asked to surrender a portion of your life/livelihood, He wants to replace it with something better. Sacrifice is really a win win situation for you. You’re letting go of something that’s kept you in chains and you get something better than what you let go of.

Granted, I understand that sacrifice isn’t just a letting go. It’s partnered with replacement. If I let go of this, I replace it with that. For the newbies to exercise, you’d give up an hour on the couch with salty goodness (chips) and replace it with walking or being at the gym. Or say I have a weird obsession with 24/Jack Bauer. I would give that time up, and replace it time with my family. Or giving up an hour of sleep and replacing it with time with the Lord. Letting go simply redefines what you value.

I’d said up there, earlier, that sacrifice wasn’t as hard as I thought. The reason it isn’t, now, is because I was enlightened to what was making it so difficult. If I am aware before hand that I am going to have to fight for my yes (and by fight, I mean invite God to fight for me Eph. 6:10-20), then I am prepared, and the transition into the new is an assured win.

For the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands. 1 samuel 17:47

So, whatever you’re facing… or whatever your being asked to give up… be desperate to please Him… that will make your answer easy. But then be ready to fight for your yes. And remember, when the battle is the LORD’s, the victory is yours.